Tumwater parent class: presenter says overindulgence can hinder children’s development

Candice Bollinger, presenter at a Tumwater School District parent education class, opened a discussion on overindulgence and its effects on child development, defining overindulgence as "giving too much of what looks good too soon or too long." Parents joined the virtual session to ask questions and share experiences about screens, chores, sports and money.

Bollinger told attendees that understanding the difference between scarcity, enough and abundance matters because "when you don't know what enough is, you basically live your life with a sense of deprivation." She outlined five basic needs—shelter, food, clothing, love/belonging and fun—and said anything beyond enough can be a gift but can cross into harmful overindulgence.

Experts and parents at the session described common forms of overindulgence: material (excessive clothes, toys, cars, vacations), emotional (parents fixing problems too quickly), spatial (very large homes), entertainment and screen time, and systemic (children not doing chores). Bollinger said children often internalize "enough" early: "By the time they're in third grade ... the majority of them say 'I have everything I want,'" a belief she said can create a lifelong sense of scarcity even in materially comfortable households.

The session included specific, concrete benchmarks Bollinger recommended as guidance: two outfits as "enough" clothing so one can be washed while another is worn; by about age 10 children should be capable of major household tasks (vacuuming, cleaning a bathroom, doing dishes); and chores should be integrated into family routines so children learn systemic skills such as cooperation and maintaining a household. On allowances she noted the payment itself is not an entitlement but a teaching tool and described examples parents use (including one described case where a parent effectively provided about $500 monthly while shifting many expenses to the teen).

Parents raised common trade-offs. One parent said competitive sports for multiple children had consumed time and money and reduced ability to save for college; Bollinger recommended explicit family conversations about priorities and explained that supporting expensive activities can still be consistent with avoiding overindulgence if the family frames trade-offs and priorities clearly. Another parent asked about media influence; Bollinger said media programming and ubiquitous advertising normalize wants and make limits harder for parents to set.

Bollinger recommended gradual, sustainable changes rather than wholesale shifts: pick one or two practices to change, work with other families to normalize expectations (shared rules about chores or transportation), provide volunteering or "learning vacation" experiences so children see different standards of "enough," and model delayed gratification (for example a three-day rule before purchases or incremental saving toward a larger item). She warned against emotional overprotection, saying parents often "fix it" too quickly and so prevent children from developing emotional regulation and problem-solving skills.

Parents in the class asked practical questions about reintroducing chores for older children, balancing support for exceptional activities like club sports, and how to use allowance and projects to teach budgeting. Bollinger urged patience and persistence: change is easier when families adopt one sustainable practice at a time and coordinate with their children's peers and other parents.

The session closed without formal actions; it was an instructional discussion intended to help parents rethink routine practices and to offer incremental strategies to reduce overindulgence while recognizing family priorities and constraints.