Sioux Falls School District forum offers practical tips for parents on setting boundaries

Deian Conrad, community relations coordinator for the Sioux Falls School District 49‑5, opened a Vera Family Forum session focused on helping parents set age‑appropriate boundaries for children and adolescents.

Child‑life specialist Twyla Perinson told parents that safety is the most important early boundary for toddlers, urging caregivers to “let them know why we’re doing this” so children internalize rules rather than just obey them. Perinson said explaining reasons—such as holding a hand while crossing the street—helps children feel safe and cooperative.

Child and adolescent psychiatrist Dave Mer framed boundary setting as a life skill: “It teaches self‑control,” he said, adding that clear expectations can reduce anxiety and support later success. Mer recommended explaining expectations, keeping consequences consistent and using rule‑setting to show children that parents care.

Jackie Pacika, principal at Horus Man Elementary in the Sioux Falls School District, described school efforts to reinforce boundaries through proactive teaching and consistent responses. Pacika said many schools use values (named in the forum as safety, ownership, acceptance and respect) and restorative practices to teach those skills before reactive discipline is necessary.

Panelists emphasized modeling behavior and making consequences educational rather than punitive. As Pacika put it, parents should “apologize when you’re wrong” and then use the moment to teach, while Mer said shaping behavior over time—rather than attempting punitive “painful” consequences—tends to be more effective.

On adolescent issues, speakers recommended treating independence as earned. Mer used a sports metaphor, urging families to give a smaller measure of freedom that can grow: “You have to earn the varsity jersey,” he said. The panel also discussed peer influence, clear conditional rules (for example, curfews tied to specific conditions), and involving teens in problem‑solving to promote buy‑in.

The forum addressed technology and sleep: panelists discouraged keeping phones or TVs in bedrooms for both children and adults, suggesting charging devices outside the bedroom to protect sleep and limit late‑night social media exposure.

Advice for parents closing the forum included staying calm during discussions, pausing before addressing high‑emotion incidents, using written communication for some teens, and recognizing it is “never too late to start” setting boundaries. Perinson closed with a concise reminder: “Remember that children are wanting to please you” and that calm, proactive guidance helps them grow.

The forum combined school‑based examples (classroom values and referral programs for students needing extra behavioral instruction) with clinical perspectives on mental health and development. Participants said the goal is to teach skills—safety, self‑control and responsibility—so children can succeed at home and school. The session concluded with encouragement to practice consistent, caring boundary work and to use consequences as opportunities for learning rather than punishment.