Military spouses and South Carolina military therapist offer strategies for coping with deployment stress

In a recent episode of the Family Guidance podcast recorded at the Bluff Road Readiness Center, hosts Kathy Bridgers (military wife and mother), Michelle Matheny (military spouse and volunteer) and Charlotte Stilwell (military spouse, blue star mom and gold star child) spoke with Lisa Mustard, a licensed marriage and family therapist and Psychological Health Program Manager for the South Carolina Military Department, about coping with deployment stress.

The conversation opened with personal accounts and a common pattern Lisa Mustard called "emotional whiplash"—a mix of relief, exhaustion and an emotional drop that many families feel after a service member leaves. "I've sent my husband off to nine combat missions," Bridgers said, describing how each departure triggers different reactions across family members.

Mustard outlined immediate tools families can use to reduce acute anxiety. She recommended paced breathing—"inhale through your nose for the count of 4 and then exhale for the count of 6, and repeat that four to five times"—and a grounding exercise she described as 5-4-3-2-1 (identify five things you see, four you can feel, three you hear, two you smell and one you can taste).

The guest and hosts stressed signs that warrant additional support. Mustard listed symptoms to watch for in adults (persistent, escalating anxiety, sleep disruption, withdrawal, increased alcohol use or difficulty functioning) and in children (nightmares, clinginess, school refusal, unexplained headaches or stomachaches and behavior changes that teachers might notice). "If you see something that's not normal for that kid, then that's something to talk about," Mustard said.

Hosts also emphasized practical day-to-day steps. Matheny urged friends and neighbors to check in without demanding operational details—"There is nothing that will send a spouse into a spiral faster than a comment like that," she said—and encouraged periodic check-ins well after the first weeks of deployment. The panel recommended peer support such as Guards' wives swapping childcare, monthly meetups, and therapy programs, including listener references to community programs such as the Yellow Ribbon programs (noted in the episode as a previously valued resource).

For longer deployments, Mustard recommended maintaining predictable routines—consistent wake times, meals, exercise and bedtime rituals—and advised minimizing nighttime phone or social-media use that can disrupt sleep and increase rumination. She framed routines as "a new normal" that helps families regain a sense of control.

On preserving couple connections, the episode suggested setting expectations before departure, sharing a photo or reading the same book when regular contact is limited, and considering short couples counseling sessions while apart. They also recommended keeping a prioritized list of household issues rather than "dumping" everything on a deployed partner during limited contacts.

The episode closed with a reminder that community and small acts of practical help — prepared meals, a text that says "I'm thinking of you," or periodic visits from peers — can reduce isolation. Hosts asked listeners to tune into the second part of the series, which will focus more specifically on supporting children and parents of service members.

The discussion was recorded at the Bluff Road Readiness Center and featured first-hand accounts from military spouses alongside evidence-based coping techniques from a mental-health professional.